The Cost of Marriage

Very likely later today, the Colorado senate will be voting on a proposal to raise the cost of a marriage license from $10 to $35. According to The Gazette, Sen. Dave Schultheis, R-Colorado Springs, is against the idea, arguing that the State should do "everything it can to promote marriage and should consider adding the fee to the cost of getting a divorce instead." I say Schultheis is not only wrong, but that the Senate should consider raising the cost of a marriage license higher. Much, much higher.

Colorado, like many states, makes it extremely difficult and expensive to get divorced. Now, I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but I do believe the emphasis is in the wrong place. I don't think divorce needs to be made more difficult. I think we need to make it far more difficult to get married.

Why? Because it's cheaper - and simpler - to get married than it is to license my dog. Seriously. If I wanted to get married - and I don't - all I need to do is go pay $10 and sign a short piece of paper. Until not too long ago, you didn't even need to show an ID.



Now, to license my dogs, which I have to do every year, first I have to bring the mutts to the vet, pay for an office visit ($80 for the three mutts), pay for their rabies shots ($54 for the three of them), put the dogs in the car, run back into the vet's to get the rabies certificate I accidentally left on the counter, get the dogs home, go to Town Hall, pay the fees - $12 if dog is neutered/spayed, $25 if not, and an extra $5 if I let the license lapse more than 30 days. Then, I have to wrestle the dog's collars off of them, find the dang wrench to force the loopy metal tag hanger open, take off the old tag, put on the new tag, chase each one of the dogs down and try to get them to stay still long enough to get their collars back on, then sit down on the couch and wish I still drank. Phew!

Trying to replace a lost driver's license is far more complicated. Don't get me started!

Okay, maybe it's not exactly THAT bad, but licensing a dog is a lot more complicated than getting a marriage license. For starters, no shots are required. Blood tests are no longer required. If the police have been called to your house for too much barking, your license may be refused. You get the idea.

But to get married, all you need is $10. Maybe $1.00 in quarters for the parking meter. Then go in front of any judge, magistrate, notary public, public official, official of any church, or even just do it yourself, and you are married. Not including the time it takes to find a parking space in downtown Colorado Springs, you can get the whole thing done in 15 minutes.

No one questions your fitness for marriage. No one gives you a lecture on the proper care and feeding of your spouse, or requires any sort of preventive vaccinations against dangerous diseases. You never have to re-license each other, nor do you have to worry about being refused a license because of too many noise complaints after drunken bouts of glass throwing.

Marriage is a serious, life-altering decision that anyone over the age of 18 is not only legally and easily permitted to do, they are encouraged to do so by much of our cultural underpinnings. You are forever bound to every stupid mistake the other makes for the rest of your life, or until you decide to get divorced. Whichever comes first.

If Schultheis and the State of Colorado are so dang'ed concerned about promoting marriage, they really need to rethink their approach. Making divorce more expensive isn't the answer. Promoting smart decision making about getting married in the first place IS.

If you want to get divorced, not only are you looking at more than $300 in various filing fees, you must attending parenting classes and wait 90 days before you can even think about scheduling a court date.

PARENTING CLASSES when you get DIVORCED? How ridiculous! How about requiring parenting classes BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED!! You know, BEFORE you have the children in the first place?

Oh, I forgot... something like half these people getting married already have children. Duh.

How about a waiting period before you get married? Maybe THAT would cut down the rate of divorce! Slow people down a bit before they make stupid marriage decisions, and maybe, just maybe, you'll cut the divorce rate significantly.

Ultimately, that is the only answer to the divorce rate: Do what you can to promote marrying smart. You know, like criminal background checks. STD tests. Parenting classes. Classes on smart money management and dispute resolution. Give people the information they need for a successful relationship, and maybe, they will be far less likely to divorce later on down the road.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against marriage, even though I personally have never made that mistake. I think marriage is a great institution for those insane enough to believe some guy they met in a bar three months ago and screwed the same night is awesome husband material. I just think there is something wrong with a system that makes it incredibly difficult to open a checking account, get a driver's license, license a dog, register a car, etc., but makes it ridiculously easy to join yourself with another person's bad habits, supposedly for the rest of your life.

So go ahead, Colorado Senate, raise the fee to $35. Better yet, raise it to $300 and institute at least a 30-day waiting period. If the State truly wants to promote marriage, then they need to start taking marriage as seriously as they take licensing a dog. As long as the State views marriage so lightly that it only costs $10 and anyone can do it, how on Earth can they ever expect the People to take it seriously?