This past Saturday night, a friend ruptured my eardrum.
You see, I went back to college five years ago, and to help support myself, I started a small karaoke business. Most Friday and Saturday nights I'm in one small-town bar or another, aiding and abetting the vandalism of many a great hit song. This past Saturday night, at one of my regular gigs, one of my regular singers decided it was too quiet and let out a shrill, high-pitched, extremely loud, excruciatingly painful whistle. You know the kind, with two fingers in the mouth, intended to be heard across football stadiums over 90,000 screaming fans. That kind of loud.
The first time she let out one of her obnoxious sirens, it literally knocked me breathless. I yelled into the microphone, half-jokingly, to quit it, she was making my ears bleed!
In truth, I discovered just a few short minutes later, she really did make one of my ears bleed. My left ear started to ooze a very small amount of blood, mixed with some sort of clear-ish fluid. Still ringing, and a bit numb, the bleeding and oozing stopped very quickly.
But the nightmare was just beginning... about an hour later, she let out another whopper of a whistle. This time, I actually dropped to the floor. My body doubled over, as my left ear screamed with the pain of a butcher's knife repeatedly jamming into it. Unwelcome tears could not be stopped, I could NOT move, my entire body began to shake as the pain just increased.
I swear, I've never felt anything so painful in my life. Not even when I was raped with a broken bottle back in 1989. Not when I broke my arm in New Zealand. Not when I fell more than 80 feet off a cliff face, crushing my kneecap in the process. Not when I had to stitch up that same knee, myself, with no anesthesia and a tent canvas needle! Not when I rolled my SUV three times.
Nothing ever this painful, ever.
I could not move, I could not catch my breath, I could not say a word, for at least five minutes. All I could do was feel the pain, excruciatingly but slowly ebbing. One of my other regulars came over and asked me if I was okay.
Unable to even breath, I managed to eek out the words, "I don't know."
I'm 43, and never once in my life have I ever said those words to the question, "Are you okay?" Like most, I always respond, yea, I'm okay, or at worse, no, but I will be. I honestly didn't know if I was okay or not, all I knew was while the pain was ebbing, a high-pitched shrieking whining noise, mixed with the sound of rushing water, was now all I could hear out of my left ear.
A few minutes later, I managed to sit up, sort-of, hunched over my karaoke system, grab a mic, and call up the next singer. I think someone helped me outside, I'm honestly not sure. I do know that I felt like I wasn't sure which foot was my left and which was my right as I struggled to keep my balance.
Outside, three blessed minutes of absolute quiet. Well, not exactly quiet... my abused left ear was still singing, ringing, and rushing with sounds that simply didn't exist outside my own head. The pain was still there, but now it was more like a dull jackhammer, instead of Jack the Ripper with a meat cleaver in the Library.
Somehow, I managed to finish the night's gig, fortunately, there was less than an hour left in the evening when this occurred. Not once did the offending whistler, someone I've known about three years, someone I considered a friend, come over to see how I was doing. Not once did she apologize, much less say a single word to me. In fact, she sat at the bar bragging about how NO ONE can whistle as loud as her, and how cool everyone thought her whistle was, and she simply couldn't understand how anyone could be annoyed by it. Besides, she was just trying to liven things up...
I drove home, finding myself constantly checking my windows cause it sounded like one of them was open! At home, I took a few Tylenols, and despite the continuing pain, I managed to get to sleep about 6am. Later that day, still feeling some pain, albeit diminished, and still having difficulties with my hearing, I decided to go to the emergency room.
Why do accidents always happen when doctor's offices are closed?
Anyway, the verdict was pretty quick and simple: My left eardrum is ruptured. Or should I say, the tympanic membrane was punctured, a result of extreme acoustic shock.
The doctor gave me a referral to a specialist, told me to avoid all loud noises for the next 2-4 weeks, that it will likely mostly heal on its own but if surgery was necessary, it was a relatively simple procedure to patch the eardrum, and that while it was likely my hearing would eventually fully return, it probably would never be quite the same.
Needless to say, I'm pissed. I'm not just pissed, I'm friggin' sick and tired of OTHER PEOPLE'S IRRESPONSIBILITY causing me physical, financial, and emotional damage! She KNEW her whistle was irritating, to say the least - she was PROUD of how it pissed people off! I'd asked her both nicely and firmly over the prior hour to STOP THE FRIGGIN' WHISTLES!! And this wasn't the first time - I've been through this with her and others in the past! It's a small bar, with solid blank walls that reflect every sound exponentially, especially high-frequency ones.
But she thinks it's fun and funny, and was, in fact, rather put out by the fact that her whistling obviously caused me pain. Friggin' drunks...
She doesn't know yet that she may have permanently damaged my hearing, I'm still too hot to talk about it directly with her, or the others involved that evening (i.e, the ones encouraging and inviting her to whistle). I know if I call her now, I'll just end up blowing up and attacking her with angry words. That won't accomplish anything. And, to be honest, I'm concerned that the owners of the bar may just drop my regular gig if they think there may be some liability issues involved...out of "concern" for me...
I can't afford this. I don't have medical insurance. Thanks to Colorado's smoking ban, my business has plummeted by more than half and there simply aren't any other jobs in the area. My house is a month away from foreclosure, but at least the bank's working with me. A local charity paid half my electric bill last month, and just filling the gas tank of my Ford Focus means I will be eating Ramen Noodles and scrambled eggs for the next three days. I'm just trying to make it to this summer, when I've already got weddings and private parties booked. How to pay not only for the emergency room, much less a specialist, is simply beyond overwhelming. But I'll figure it out. I always do.
Two days since the incident, and although much of my hearing has returned, my ear still aches dully, I'm still experiencing a quiet high-pitched humming sound, and I'm extremely sensitive to loud and/or high pitched sounds. Like the tone the phone makes when a call is waiting - I forgot to put the phone to my right ear earlier while talking to a friend, when someone else called, the 'beep' was like a firecracker in my ear. Outside, the sound of a bird whistle nearly knocked me to my feet again, and I nearly muzzled one of my dogs for barking at the door bell - which also had a painful percussive effect.
My right ear is also noticeably more sensitive, especially to sudden noises, but nothing compared to the left ear.
At least my balance has returned to normal.
I know I need to tell her what she did to me. I know she'll react defensively, somehow blame me for her stupidity ... she'll make some snide comment or another about being a kill-joy, interfering with HER fun. She might eek out a small gee, I'm sorry, but she won't mean it. Regardless of what I say, she will never take responsibility for her actions, not even with a simple apology or a few words of sympathy. Making people feel guilty about their own stupid choices always backfires.
I'm scheduled to see the specialist on Friday. I do not know what the near future holds for my hearing,
I pray for a full recovery. Although I graduate with my Bachelor's degree this May, I've had no luck lining up a "real" job so far. Karaoke and dj'ing gigs keep me alive right now. I've already got three weddings scheduled this summer. Those DO get loud - and I do wear earplugs at them! - but just those three gigs will pay my mortgage for the whole summer! If I can just make it to this summer, I'll be okay.
But how am I supposed to run shows if I cannot tolerate any sort of loud sounds, much less hear what people are saying to me? I can't lose my hearing, I can't lose my living!
Frankly, I'm a little scared.
All from a harmless little whistle...
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